Google I/O + Elaine's dance from Seinfeld = AWESOME

Let me give you a reason to love +Google+...

Google just started their huge I/O conference this week and they have this thing going where you can take a public post with #request, and a Google employee at the conference will try desperately to meet that request. It's pretty cool, honestly.

Well, in classic fashion, I couldn't help myself. I decided somebody needed to make an outlandish request. And here is what I did...

Nathan Weaver6 minutes ago

+Melissa Daniels : I have a #request . Can you get footage of yourself doing the Elaine awkward/white girl dance from Seinfeld?

This is my one silly request, I guess. I just wanna see all the looks on folks' faces as you get the kicks and arms flailing.

PS--If you meet my request, I will film a short clip of me turning around and saying, "Sweet fancy Moses!"

-------
Update:#request  fullfilled.

Her dance:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/116502955388495112052/posts/F8nQo4HxgYy

And my response:
Sweet Fancy Moses!
3    3 Powered by socialditto

And +Melissa Daniels did not let me down! Below is her glorious version of Elaine's dance.

Melissa Daniels13 minutes ago

Pretty sure I shouldn't be re-sharing this as, well... it pretty much speaks for itself. But... this just proves how much I love my #chromies  -- I'm willing to completely embarrass myself for y'all. What's next? Bring on the next #io13    #request  (though I will admit-- I hope +Jacky Hayward and +Divya Vishwanath are next on the docket for goofiness!)

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Divya Vishwanath originally shared:Hey world, do you know Elaine from Seinfeld's sweet dance moves? +Nathan Weaver sure does and he put in an (AMAZING) #request  to see +Melissa Daniels bust those moves. I'd say she's got it down. Do you agree? P.S. This is what she's trying to do: Seinfeld - The Elaine Dance P.P.S. Thanks for the great joy you've brought us all, Nathan :) 13    3 Powered by socialditto

And I held up my end of the bargain and returned the Sweet Fancy Moses it rightfully deserved.


 


I'm feeling pretty good about myself today...

Longer than a 7 year itch

Every now and again I get this itch to become a stand-up comedian. It usually results in me trying to develop some material, and I usually end up being frustrated in the end. Here is one such piece...

Nathan Weaver9 hours ago

I was thinking... we Americans are pretty full of ourselves. I mean, what other country would dare have a magazine titled Self? I'm thinking I'll start a new magazine called Someone Else, and it will be filled with interviews of people you can't relate to and articles on topics that are irrelevant to you. So, it'll be like an adult reading a teen magazine. 6    5 Powered by socialditto

The Affairs of Mrs. Blackwater, Chapter 2

Chapter 2
Townsend woke when the carriage he was riding in hit a rock and became airborne. It crashed down hard on its wooden wheels, and kept right on going. He nearly fell out of his seat. He rubbed his eyes and saw he had spilled the file on Mrs. Blackwater's account all over the floor of the carriage. He bent over and began picking them up, one by one, looking each over as he did in an attempt to keep them in order. But a gust of wind and rain came crashing through the curtains of the carriage and caught up several sheets of parchment. They quickly rustled straight out the window. He promptly shoved what he had into his messenger and leapt to his feet. He stuck his head out of the window and screamed head first into the wind and rain.

"Stop the carriage! Stop the carriage!"

The driver didn't hesitate and brought the carriage to a halt. Townsend flung the door of the carriage open and ran out into the rain, chasing papers through the weeds. One document lodged in with some weeds, and he snatched it up into his messenger. Another stuck to a tree trunk, which he promptly recovered. But a third kept picking up pace with the wind and began to be carried into the forest. He ran at it full speed, but shortly into the woods his foot caught a tree root and he fell face first into the mud. He looked up as the wind carried the document higher up to the tops of the trees and further away from him.

He sighed.

Rising to his feet, he gathered his surroundings for the first time and found himself among the ugliest patch of plantation he'd ever seen. The trees were old, bending and twisting around each other. They reached towards the heavens in curves and wrinkles. Not one limb carried a leaf, and all appeared to be dead. The rain beat against their bark, and some of it broke off and fell to the ground. He could hear the sounds of bending wood and noticed that the forest moved about to and fro with the wind. The noise was akin to the rocking and creaking of a ship at sea. He took note that he saw no signs of life in these woods. It was as if when the forest died, the animals gave up and moved somewhere else like a human might do when the local economy runs dry.

His driver yelled at him from the carriage. "We should be moving, Mr. Townsend!"

"Right!" He yelled back and returned to his bumpy ride.

"We shouldn't be out here after dark." The driver told him. "Wolves."

Townsend took one more look at the desolate forest and doubted even wolves could live in such an environment. They're predators, which means they need prey, and it didn't appear any prey could exist in this harsh climate. He ignored the old man's superstitious ways and climbed into the carriage once more. He tapped the wall behind the driver, and feeling the vibration he set the horses in motion.

Townsend opened his luggage bag and dug around for a rag he had brought. He found it and began to wipe the mud from his face. The front of his clothes were a disaster, with mud from head to toe. He took off his boots and decided to make his change now, so that when he arrived in Wolfedale he could look respectable. Or, at least as respectable as he could. He only owned two suits. One was brown and one was gray, both were older than him and looked it as well. The style of the suits gave the age away, as did the worn appearance. By the time his father had outgrown and given them to him, they were already overused.

It was a daunting and frustrating task trying to change attire on the bumpy road leading into Wolfedale. He had been surprised to learn there was only one road in and out of Wolfedale, as he'd never heard of such a thing for a village that was this far inland. He wondered why no one had ever bothered to continue the road past Wolfedale, and that instead it simply stopped. Like a one way ticket on a train, the road reached its destination and called it a day.

His mind began recounting some of the information he had learned about Mrs. Blackwater. She was indeed rich, filthily so as Manchester had described her. It was none of her own accord or making, but through several inheritances. It was the number of inheritances that caught his eye early on, and sent his left eyebrow upward. Mrs. Blackwater had been married seven times. She had borne eight names in total since her birth, and Blackwater had finally remained her last. She was a Lankford at birth; but then married a Kinsman by age 14, Pennyworth at 18, Whittle at 21, Einstein at 23, Hansford at 27, and Frankfurt at 31. She had married her final husband, Frederick Blackwater, at age 36 and he had died when she was 40. There had been no letters of divorcement, each and every last of her husbands had died and left her a widow. And each suitor she had married left her a small fortune. She had more money than she would have ever been able to spend.

In the file, he had not found a certificate of birth, but had done the math and figured she was roughly 60 years old when she passed away. He still couldn't determine the connection between her and Manchester, as it had seemed to him there was something personal involved by the way he had spoken of her. Based on her age, she likely would have been a proper age for marrying several times for Manchester, who had remained a bachelor his whole life and now had no one in his family to continue his name or take over the firm after he died. And knowing Manchester's pension for greed, he could only imagine how desperate he may have been to vie for the affections of such a wealthy widow.

Perhaps Mrs. Blackwater considered herself in too high a station for the likes of Manchester, a working a man. True, he was a lawyer, but that only gained him so much status in life. And based on the amount of wealth Mrs. Blackwater had accumulated over the years, he was hardly in her circle.

Townsend had just zipped his pants, when the carriage arrived in Wolfedale. His driver knocked on the wall behind him, letting him know they had arrived. Townsend pulled back the curtains to take in a view of the village. The rain had let up some, but the damages were showing by way of flooded streets and running guttering along the rooftops of houses and buildings. There was a blacksmith, doctor, and oddly enough a well-established looking mortician's office. He saw the courthouse and made a note of where it was as he'd be visiting it shortly.

The carriage pulled up outside Wolfe's Howling, an Inn and tavern. This was where he'd be resting his head during his stay at Wolfedale. It looked old and dilapidated, a wooden sign hanging by a thread. The sign had the picture of a wolf standing on two legs, howling at a moon, and the name of the establishment was written in red beside the creature of the night.

He stepped out of the carriage and handed his driver the agreed upon payment. Immediately, the driver turned his carriage around and headed back from whence he had come. Townsend shook his head at the man's superstitious attitude, and stepped into Wolfe's Howling.

Immediately his senses were overwhelmed with the smell of smoke, alcohol and something rotten. His throat wanted to choke at the intensity of the smells, but he held it back and swallowed dry. He looked around and saw that there were several men already well wetted, and the bartender was cleaning shot glasses. There was a roaring fire in the oversized fireplace with carved wolves of stone on either side of it. An older woman stood in front of it, stoking the fire, and added another log. He nearly dried completely to the bone just by entering the doors.

He approached the bar. "Good evening, sir. I believe I have a room, reserved by a Luke Manchester."

The Affairs of Mrs. Blackwater, Chapter 1

Author's note.
I've had this desire to get back to writing some horror again, and in that vein I started developing a story tentatively titled The Affairs of Mrs. Blackwater, which will likely be my homage to the old school Hammer Horror and Universal monster movies. Below is my first jab at the opening chapter of the story, which has been nudging me for the past few days to be written.

Hope you enjoy, and let me know how I'm doing and what you think? Would you read it? Does it have your attention? What's your favorite Universal monster movie (Dracula, Wolf Man, Frankenstein, etc)?

---



"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" Townsend asked.
"I do mind." She said.

---

Chapter 1.
Godfrey Townsend entered the office of Manchester and Townsend, and found the remaining owner of the original partnership, Luke Manchester greeting him with a smile.

"Godfrey, how good to see you." He gestured to his office. "A word?"

"Yes, sir." Godfrey recited his usual response. "May I?" He began to remove his overcoat, which was dripping from the rain being dumped on Whitechapel without mercy. "A moment to dry off?"

Manchester nodded sternly and retreated to his cold office.

Townsend deposited his hat and coat on the rack, and took up near the fire that was nearly all but ashes. He picked up the poker and bent over to stoke it some. The coals were still hot, and he moved them around a bit, encouraging them to do their purpose. He found a few logs to the right of the mantel, and laid them neatly above the coals and attempted to get warm. It was a nearly fruitless task, as the office just did not hold heat. And the cold streets of Whitechapel rolled their brisk air under the doors, around the window panes, through the ceiling and even down the chimney.

Standing there his mind wandered from him, as his eyes met a portrait on the mantel. It was a small oil painting, a likeness of his grandfather, who was the founding father of the firm. His name now relegated to second place behind Manchester, and would likely remain so. Manchester was a crude business man, and Townsend always had trouble understanding why his grandfather ever went into business with such a man. It was his father, Robert Townsend, who had found himself in debt, who allowed himself to foolishly give up 25% of his half of the firm. Manchester had told him, it would suffice as a loan while he paid off the debt that was breathing down Robert Townsend's neck. That in a year or so, he could easily buy it back and become half owner once more. But Robert Townsend had underestimated the shrewd and greedy nature of Manchester, and he found this out when he went to buy back his piece of the pie. Manchester simply sneered at him and said, "I'm not selling at the moment. Sorry."

Townsend took a deep breath, not sure what to expect from Manchester on this damp morning. He was sure of one thing, it wouldn't be getting back the 25% his father fizzled away.

He picked up his messenger bag, dusted the rain off the side with his sleeve and entered Manchester's office.

"Have a seat, boy." Manchester just loved to call him boy. He smiled a wicked grin behind his white beard. "I've got an important task for you. Are you up to it?"

"Yes, sir." He sat and held his messenger on his lap.

"Well, pen and paper. Write this down." Manchester also loved making him take notes, as if he were just some messenger boy writing a note to deliver to the cook about how many eggs to use for breakfast.

Townsend took out a quill, ink and paper. He sat the ink on the edge of the desk, popped the top off and dipped immediately. "Ready, sir."

"There's an old bird up in Wolfedale." He stopped and sneered over his small, round lenses in their wiry frame. "Have you heard of this, boy?"

"Yes, sir."

"Right. Well, this bird has had an account with this firm since its first year of establishment. And, up until last night, was an excellent client." When he spoke, he looked around the room as if he had an audience.

"What happened? Did she drop the account?" Townsend asked.

"No. She died."

"Oh, well, sorry to hear that." He tried to be empathetic, afraid Manchester was going claim he really liked the old woman.

"Good riddance, really." He picked up some warm tea and took a sip. "But…"

"But what, sir?"

"She was rich… filthy rich… and lousy at accounting." He sighed long and hard. Then he spoke fast and sharp, like a ball from a canon. "I need you to ride to Wolfedale, and check into their Inn for a few days while you sort out the affairs of the late Mrs. Blackwater." He raised a file from his a drawer and placed it on the desk between them. "This will give you the address, and some background to her account with us." He bit his lip. "I never could get her to come in and write up a will, the stubborn old bird. Even sent one of our agents down there once." He stopped again.

"Well, what happened?" Townsend asked.

"I didn't get that will." He leaned forward on to the desk, resting his heavy arms across the file, still unwilling for Townsend to look at it. "I'm going to be honest with you, Godfrey." Which meant he was about to lie. "This isn't going to be easy. A lot of paperwork to sift through, no doubt. But, it is very important to me that you do this. And that you do it well. It's a test in a way, to see if you're ready to take on some more responsibilities around the firm. What, with your piece of the partnership, it stands to reason you should."

Townsend could see that it pained him to admit he owned a piece of the company. "I'll do my best, sir."

"You won't." He spoke sharply. "You'll do better than your best. Because I've seen your best, and it wasn't good enough."

"Quite right, sir." Townsend hated these conversations, and always looked for the easy way out, which usually involved agreeing to a lot of things he didn't agree with. "When shall I start with the Blackwater account?"

"Now, boy!" He finally released the file from his arms and sat back up in his chair. "I've already sent a telegram ahead of you to reserve a room at the Inn. The owner is a friend of mine, treat him nice, and tell him I sent you."

"Yes, sir." He rose to his feet and turned to leave, but Manchester called him back for one more thing. It was his standard practice to intentionally forget something.

"Oh, yes." Manchester said. "And one more thing…" He opened a drawer and pulled out a revolver. He dropped it on the desk for effect. "Do you have a pistol, boy?"

"No, sir."

"Well, then take this one. It's old, but it gets the job done." Manchester smiled a queer sort of smile.

"Why would I need a gun, Mr. Manchester?"

Manchester's eyes darkened and he leaned forward once more. "Because there are all manner of beasts in those woods near Wolfedale, and you will want a proper companion." He patted the revolver.

For once, Townsend had to disagree, though it came out as a whisper. "I don't like guns."

"Trust me, boy, when you have to decide between a wolf chewing the flesh off your bones and pulling a trigger… you'll choose the trigger every time." He gestured the pulling of a trigger with his finger as he spoke.

Townsend caved, and took the revolver with six rounds in its chamber. He gently placed it in the bottom of his messenger and headed back out into the Whitechapel rain.

FREE ebook of 'Rose's Thorn' until May 2nd

Still learning my way around the site Smashwords as a publisher. And thanks to Belinda Frisch last night, I discovered the wonderful coupon option within Smashwords.

I have created a coupon, which when used during checkout, will give you Rose's Thorn for free.

Here is the code: VZ96Y

And it is case sensitive.

Please feel free to use this coupon to obtain a free copy of the short novel.

Smashwords offers several download options upon 'purchase'. Here is a screenshot of their options:

The coupon expires May 2, 2013. In the meantime, feel free to pass the coupon on to as many folks as you want. The more the merrier.

Tina Morris and Twitter Stories

Fellow writer Tina Morris started something new called Twitter Stories. Basically, once a day she posts a 140 character story (the character limit of Twitter).

Here is her first Twitter Story, posted today:

Doris stressed her legs to see over the hedge, fell, heard her knee pop and moaned, “Guess that’s not the only thing I’ll need to replace.”
— Tina Morris (@tinarazz) February 20, 2013

Thinking the idea to be quite fun and very useful at honing yourself to fine tune the details, I'm now contemplating taking up the venture myself. Despite the fact that I despise Twitter. But, because I always like serializing things and drawing them out, I'm going to make a serialized story which will be unraveled in 140 character tweets. I may regret this decision later, and just do short snippets like Tina, but for now I'll try the serial concept first.

Below is the first of my serialized tweeting:

Li entered her daughter’s room, who was crying. “What is it dear?” She asked. “Will you make the voices go away, mommy?” She said. Li froze.
— Nathan Weaver (@babylontales) February 21, 2013

If you like the idea, and want to get involved, please do so and drop a line in the comments to your posts. And be sure to give Tina a holler for an awesome idea.

I was at a teaching with technology conference last fall in St. Louis, and met an English professor who forced her students to craft snippets of food articles they were writing into tweets in the beginning stages of their writing. In the end, they had to post their articles onto a shared blog for full public critique. It was a fascinating concept, watching how one can take these every day tools to hone one's craft.

Just because you're in the box, using the tools within it, doesn't mean you can't think outside of it and use those same set of tools in new and wondrous ways.

A reflection on NaNoWriMo

I'm reflecting on NaNoWriMo, as this past year was my first time giving it a shot.

I had been disappointed in myself, a little, mainly in my story. Life had thrown some curve balls in November, unforeseen events, and I had gotten behind early in the game. But I did plow through a healthy amount of my outline, but nearing the end of the month I came to the realization my outline was missing some vital points.

Blood in the veins.

Sure, I had plot veins, but no blood running in it.

The last thing I did on CAFE DE MORT in November was to revamp my outline a little. Which was a positive way to finish, as it let me know I wasn't done with it. Not yet.

I've been sitting on it ever since, and on a whim pulled open my Google Drive to take a gander at my chapters and outline. I opened one chapter, Chapter 6, and skimmed it. It was one I was very fond of writing at the time, and looking at it my spirit for it was rekindled. Then, I looked at my outline, and though it is still missing some white blood cells, I am confident I'm not far off and have decided to draw my attention back to it.

I had been planning to refocus on a different work for the next six months, but now I'm certain I won't do that.

If I have time today, I may go ahead and post Chapter 6, since it inspired me to get on with it.